It's a woman's perogative...

to change her mind

I'm back and will write more soon.
Had a PAID public reading of my poetry on Tuesday.

Still on a word-induced happiness high.
The massive rose and red wine consumption this week has probably helped....

And the sky is blue and the sun is shining and we need more rain to break the drought.

Putting in a dripper system at the moment so that the garden doesn't cark it (translation - die inelegantly) over summer.

Adios

bubble head

Have left blogspot for a new friend.
You can find me on www.redbubble.com
Still mummified - but a lot more creative these days

Righto then, lets get a move on....

Aloha,

Back from the dead (or should that be the flu then a stomach bug ? My, my these creches give your young child so much more than a good education). Spring is sprung so the garden is gorgeous. Can hear a small fella stirring so will sign off and hope to write again soon.

:-)

Bookworm

At school I was bookish,
To book - a bookworm.
What would that be in Latin ?
Bookum, Booket, Booker
The Booker – yeah baby !

Others had their marathons, I had the MS Readathon.
They had cramps, I had a comfy chair.

Why is it bookworm anyway ?
Small, peevish, short sighted…slightly slimy
Alright – environmentally sound – but dull nevertheless.

It seems so passive – bookworm
Why not book Gazelle ? Book Cheetah ? Book Swan ?
‘Cos I’m a lover and a fighter.

I’ll see your James Hird, your Buckley and Sheeds
With my Lindqvist, Eggers and Clarke.

And I’ll raise you a Kaz Cooke ‘cos nothing beats that.

Well it won't be this one...

Mummified has spent the week scratching her head, trying to come up with a new poem.

The following is what I started with. Yes, yes, yes, I know - it is a piece of doggerel but it made me laugh.

It is NOT what I shall use tonight. I will publish that next week sometime but I reckon a few mums will identify with the content of this.


And I love you
But I hate, this thing that I've become.
My mind can't find the words and my life is set on "stunned".

I lose the house keys daily,
I scrabble on the floor,
Even when I find them,
I can't get them in the door.

And I love you
But I hate, this thing that I've become.
My mind can't find the words and my life is set on "stunned".

If I dress myself at all,
it's backwards, inside out,
I've vomit on my shoulder,
and my back has given out.

And I love you
But I hate, this thing that I've become.
My mind can't find the words and my life is set on "stunned".

Sleep is but a distant dream,
I'm chasing to the shore.
I only get a little bit,
Oh God, I'd love some more.

And I love you
But I hate, this thing that I've become.
My mind is set on "shutdown" and my life is set on "stunned".

Utterly, utterly hilarious

Mummified has been selected as a finalist in Poetry Idol.

Fortunately, Simon Cowan - the scary bloke from American Idol - will not be judging.

The event is part of the Melbourne Writer's Festival and Mummified will be performing in front of a large number of people in a big theatre.

GULP !

It can't be that hard. If you've been through childbirth, nothing else is scary.

All I have to do this week is write the most amazing poem possible, learn it by heart and find a way to perform it without sending the audience to sleep.

CRIPES !

Wish me luck and I promise, I will start writing mummified more regularly when September is over.

Mummified

About f***ing time - Haneef has been released

Dr Haneef has now been released from detention after being held since the 2nd July on providing "reckless" support to terrorists. Problem was - it wasn't his SIM card in the burning jeep in the UK - like the authorities claimed when they first held him without charge him then stuck him into jail.

He is now back in his unit on the Gold Coast. Poor bloke probably won't even want to stay in Australia after this - even if he does get his visa back. When did I move from Australia - the land of tolerance and "a fair go for all" to this Kafka-esque wasteland ?

I apologise to any Muslim readers of this blog. Australia can and should do better. I am ashamed that we have become such an intolerant police state. Don't get me wrong. Those who have committed terrorist acts should be caught and imprisoned but we have to do better than hold and question people for nearly a month for no good reason.

Mummified is not impressed.

Yippee yi ay....

Righto, well am off to volunteer for the Melbourne Writer's Festival which happens at the end of August/early September here. Am also off to see Dave Eggers speak -hoorah - Mr McSweeney himself plus a cast of other notables...

Yippee yi ay....

Life is good right now and we actually had two mild days with real (not tinned) sunshine this week. What a difference a bit of blue sky and sun makes.

Little fella is well. I have had a full night's sleep for nearly a week. If things get any better they will have to sedate me to avoid a mass breakout of jealousy from my friends.

Toodles

Mummified is happified

Hipocritical oath

Well, it works like this. There is the Hippocratic oath, taken by most Doctors and the hypocritical oath - taken by the Glasgow and London bombers. ie, yes I'm a doctor but I don't have a problem with killing as many people as possible in spectacularly inept car bomb attacks on the people of the UK.

HIPOCRITES

Love her work

http://reasonsyouwillhateme.blogspot.com/?source=cmailer

Hack, Hack, cough, cough

It must be winter.
Little fella and I are coughing like pensioners.
And I haven't had a decent night's sleep for 7 days.

Grrrrrrr.

Be afraid, be very afraid...

Thor - God of Thunder and home repairs

Wandering past an old Victorian house being renovated.
Saw a shingle out for "Thor's Home Repairs". What happened ?
Didn't being the Norse God of Thunder work out ?

Lack of inspiration

Haven't been around for a while

Lack of inspiration will do that to you

The muse has flown and I think she nicked the cornflakes...

Dammit

I'll have to have toast instead - how dull

Holiday...do do do...do do doo....celebrate....

Yes well I'm not going to apologise for that tragic version of Madonna's breakthrough hit song back in the 80's. Yes, it was slightly out of tune and breathy but that just makes it more authentic and like the way Madonna sang it before the studio engineer glossed it up on the sound deck.

Umm, where was I ? Oh yes, holidays.

Lonely Planet is a well known series of travel guides that sell around the world. They take the "off the beaten track", I'm a real "traveller" not a "tourist" approach.

Actually they are pretty good.

However, apparently they have been drenched in a wave of self righteous effluent recently according to my friend tango girl with the common phrases section attempting to translate the following: " Do you have fair trade coffee ?" " Are those energy efficient light bulbs ?" and the like.

A couple of pointers people. In a poor country - question 1 sounds pretty patronising and you should take whatever they have. Question 2 assumes electricity.

Just a thought

RIP - I think not

This is for Louise, my creative writing teacher who died of cancer last week.

I do not wish for her to rest in peace. She would be singularly unimpressed by peace and la la angels.

I wish for her to be in the great wine bar in the sky, drinking caberent sauvignon, scoffing brie and biscuits and carrying on, at length, with relevant quotations, as to why Cormac McCarthy was the greatest writer alive.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cormac_McCarthy

This is for her emotional generosity and the encouragement that helped me keep writing through a dark time.

This is for her irreverant sense of humour that not everyone understood (I often had to stifle my sniggering behind my hand at a particularly witty bon mot while others looked bemused).

I don't pity her death. She would hate that and give me the verbal equivalent of a clip around the ear. I (with many, many others) am grateful for her life.

All we have are our relationships and memories. All else turns to dust.

The meaning of life is 42

Thanks to Douglas Adams (sadly no longer with us) for the revelation that the meaning of life is the number 42. I think it comes from his book "Thanks for all the fish".

After the terrible events of last week in Virginia in the USA, I needed to remind myself of the fundamentals of what makes life worth living. My condolences to all those affected.

My preferred explanation of the meaning of life actually comes from Emerson

" To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch...to know even one life has breathes easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

Crushed tomatoes

As a potential vegetarian (not this life, maybe the next) I would like to protest the use of "crushed" tomatoes in the Italian food section of my local supermarket.

It is not clear whether these tomatoes have been held in rendition in Eastern Europe, interrogated then tortured by a middle eastern state starting with "I" or simply confined for a long period without trial in Gitmo.

I don't care which side did it but it has to stop.

Tomatoes deserve the right to justice and a fair trial. They should not be confined endlessly then "crushed".

They deserve better and civilisation is not civil when their rights are ignored.

Mummified

Apparently it is bad form...

Went to the World Championship Swimming Competition last night. Amazing stuff. Not the sort of thing I'd usually attend. Hence, somewhat unversed in swimming etiquette.

Checked the program, it listed the events, nothing in it about not appreciating the male swimmers. Shockingly, apparently they wear those full body outfits so they can swim faster.

Well, that is just a waste of a good resource. In today's marketplace, it is all about "adding value".

I had to wait until each race was over before they would peel down their tops so I could appreciate their chests. I don't remember shouting out - "ooooh, nice pecs". I am sure it was the rowdy lady in the aisle behind us.

Mummified would never be so badly behaved. I would be more likely to shout "Has it been half an hour since you ate ?" followed closely by " I'm not nagging, I just don't want you to get cramps when you hop back in the pool."

Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink

The heading above is a fib.

Australia is currently suffering a particularly nasty drought but I have been watching the television ads and apparently it does not matter if you mislead people -you just have to make sure that they remember you so, there we are -" water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink"(I expect someone really clever came up with that one - sadly, it wasn't me).

In fact, this post is about our new water tank but, sensibly (in my very sensible view), I did that tricky thing with the heading and lured you in.

What a devious mummified ! What a sneaky, beaky, tricky mummy...

Of course, I have a toddler so I spend quite a lot of my time being tricky. When I uttered the word sh*t recently in front of said child, I quickly added - sheet, doona, pillowcase - that's what we put on the bed. Phew !

But back to the water tank issue. We have got a quote and if we order now we will probably get one in 22 weeks. If we order this week and not next week when it could take even longer. 22 weeks ? That is like - AGES AND AGES AND AGES.

However, we need it because soon (unless God provides 40 days and 40 nights of rain or some such) it will be unlawful to water your garden at all unless you have your own supply - tank or grey water run-off from washing machines, etc etc...

Imagine that...

When I lived in England, I would often complain about the rain. Now I look at the sky and try to be encouraging. "Go on, rain - you can do it - you know you can - you've just lost the knack - it's probably only a confidence thing..."

So far, a little luck but not much...

Can anyone out there do a rain dance and if so, could you post a comment explaining the steps ?

Oh Stella !

Well, well, well....

The land of Oz has finally grabbed the "mass-tige" (vs prestige - ie haute couture) concept by the lapels and Target (a big US chain store here) delivered the first collection by Stella McCartney about 2 weeks ago.

The day it was released there were hordes of ravenous shoppers salivating outside the store from 6am that morning so that they could be first to buy the new collection.

It was not a limited collection (ie they made lots and lots of them girls and boys) but it was mass hysteria and made the TV news.

I know they still had more because my mum went in there and bought herself two items the week after. And very fetching they were too.

Listen, I know I'm square. I'm so square that I am practically rectangular but the frenzied shopping for labels thing is just beyond me. I mean seriously, are we so bereft of intellect that buying a new outfit causes wild surges of adrenaline to rush though our systems ? What the heck is going on ?

Answers that do not include four letter words are most welcome.

Indigenous rights and wrongs

For those expecting a laugh, you may want to change channels...

Surfacing now, in mainstream media in Australia, at last, is the issue of sustained and widespread domestic and sexual violence against women and children as young as seven months. Dribs and drabs have variously been reported but the size of the epidemic is now becoming known.

First a snapshot = some stats and facts provided by Louis Nowra in his Article in The Australian - ALR - March 2007
* The rate of domestic assault in indigenous communities is 8-10 times that of non indigenous communities
* The sexual abuse of girls is so widespread that one-third of 13 year old girls in the Northern Territory are infected with Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea.
* Last year, Alice Springs crown prosecutor, Nanette Rogers, reported a case where a woman was bashed and stabbed by her husband throughout her marriage. Eventually, her husband beat her to death, tied up the corpse and left it on an ant's nest.
* A seven month baby was taken from its home and raped. She needed surgery under general anaesthetic. A six year old girl was playing in a waterhole when an 18 year old petrol sniffer grabbed her, pulled her under and simultaneously anally raped her and drowned her.

I have no slick comment to make, no glib retort. My mother's heart says get the women and children away from these hellish situations. Yet this is hard to do when "traditional (customary) law" is given precedence over "white man's law" and (false) claims made by the perpetuators that tribal law allows them to rape.

And if that is the case and we do separate the victims from the aggressors - do we end up with another stolen generation - disenfranchised from their culture. Given what their culture and the extreme poverty of their circumstances has delivered to a large majority of women and children, is this a bad thing ?

If you are interested in learning more about this subject, I refer you to Louis Nowra - Bad Dreaming

What is the difference between a terrorist and a toddler ?

You can negotiate with a terrorist...

Product placement - the bane of modern movies

No, people don't watch the advertisements anymore. They turned away, switched off, logged out. So we need something new. I know, we'll have their favourite characters in the movies using our products on every occasion possible. We'll call it the "halo" effect to keep the marketers happy....

And the most shocking exponent of this plague on our screens ? Yes, Wallace himself.
Most people think "Wallace and Gromit" are simply a couple of old duffers - well actually, that would be Wallace, Gromit is the dog who keeps the show on the road.

I counted an astonishing number of references to "CHEEEEEESE" in their latest adventure, "The curse of the Were Rabbit" and I was disturbed to see carrots and all manner of other vegetables being pushed front and centre. Where will it all end ?