It has come to my attention that there is unease amongst certain members of the British public about their royal family. As a kind and munificent (or mummy-nificent if you prefer) gesture, I have decided to offer myself as an acting Queen while the British people sort out how their new Republic will work.
A few things will have to change immediately.
First, I am not really one for public walk-abouts or appearances so I will ask Archie the Inventor (from BBC program - Balanory- that my son adores) to create a hologram that waves regally whenever required and smiles nicely. He already has experience doing clever things with cardboard rolls and squeegy bottles so this should be a cinch.
Second, while all the real estate is rather lovely, I really wouldn't feel comfortable using any of it so will sell it off (OK, I may keep a small pied a terre in London and a little cottage up in Scotland). Money will be used for the socially disadvantaged, little kiddies, education and hospitals. And magically, there will be really good people to manage all these things so no money is wasted, absconded with etc etc and everyone lives happily ever after.
Third, I will keep Charles on as an environmental consultant and maker of quality organic snacks. He will have to make do on a much lower salary but I think this is fair as he should be paid based on his skill sets rather than his current status as the potential king. The current role doesn't seem to make him very happy and I get the feeling that he is not convinced he would do a good job anyway.
Fourth, I haven't decided what I should do fourth. Suggestions please on the back of an online envelope.
mummified is crownified