One of a mummy's most important jobs is to gently but firmly guide her children on the right path. Consideration for others, sharing, telling the truth where it is likely to be at all beneficial to yourself and may involve a chocolate reward, kindness and compassion - you know, the kind of stuff. Yet I find myself unable to decide how best to advise the wee fella (small boy) how best to behave in cafes.
I had this chat this morning with the staff at Sokolat (not free advertising 'cos I doubt any of you would know where it was). Some cafes, it is DIY - you go to the fridge - pull out a beverage or bevvie as we call them here (why we shorten everything I don't know) and then pay. They fit in this category. But in some places, you mustn't touch the fridge, you must sit down at a table and an authorised fridge opener with authorised fridge opening credentials - possibly a masters or a doctorate of some sort will get out your drink and eventually bring it over. And in others, you are supposed to know that no-one can sit down until they have ordered at the counter. In fact someone will come over to the table to tell you to order at the counter if you sit down and do not do so quickly enough (they won't take your order of course, just tell you off).
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. I want consistency, I want written instructions (nicely laid out - no spelling errors and preferably a simple and clean typeface. I really hate that froofy old fashioned over the top, quite twee, pretending to be 18th century stuff), and I want a very large latte - with 2 sugars - yes, I know, white death but hey, if you gotta go, you gotta go. Here endeth the rant.
Do you think I should give up coffee ?